| Posted By LunarianMoon on 8/04/04 @ 6:28:22 AM |
This is one of the stories I rate as 'better', though I haven't thought of a title yet. I'll let ya know when I finally get one!  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1: The Beginning Indum was a quiet and peaceful little town on the border between Alfareg and Kion. Alfareg and Kion were always at war, but somehow, the war did not affect the little town of Indum. And here in this Indum is where our story begins... Mimoja quickly filled her schoolbag with books. She was late. AGAIN. She had overslept... AGAIN. And she knew that the teachers wouldn’t be so nice after coming late for the 1100th time. “MIMO! HURRY UP!” her mother yelled from below. “I’M COMING!” Mimoja yelled back. She dashed through the room, picking up a few books here and there, crammed them into her bag and quickly rushed downstairs. “Sorry mom, I overslept,” she explained to her mother. Her mother sighed and shook her head. “You’ll never learn, will you?” she asked. Mimoja smiled. “At least...” she began, but mother interuppted her. “Quickly now, you’re being late honey!” she said, pushing Mimoja towards the door. “Okay, okay! I know mom!” Mimoja said, laughing. She opened the door, gave her mother a quick bye and rushed towards the school. Her mother looked after her and sighed. “That girl’ll never learn,” she said. For some odd reason, it seemed like Mimoja was on time. As a matter of fact... the school was deserted. There was no one there! Mimoja looked around, worried. It WAS Thursday, right? Mimoja checked her wristwatch. On it’s display was the 11th of april, thursday, so it WAS the right date. She was five minutes late, but it seemed like everyone was gone... was there some special event no one had told her about? Suddenly, she remembered. “Damn...” she scolded. She had forgotten that the school had a field trip today and they were supposed to come 15 minutes earlier than usual. “This is so STUPID!” she yelled while kicking the gate of the school. Which she regretted shortly after, ‘cause her foot hurt like hell. “You know young lady, that’s not a smart thing to do,” a bypasser told her. Mimoja felt ready to strangle the man. Like SHE didn’t knew! Mimoja however, sighed and started walking home, whilst thinking of an excuse to TRY not to make her mother mad at her. But after five seconds of thinking, Mimoja already got desperate. Her mother would ALWAYS call the school to check if the reason Mimoja gave for being free was the right one. It wasn’t the first time Mimoja was late for a field trip and the first time, she had told her mother they had the day off. When her mother found out, she had grounded Mimoja for fourteen days. When she got home, she found her mother doing the dishes. “Umm... mom?” she began. “You dpn’t know how HAPPY I am with such a kind, loving and understanding mother, but...” “You’re late again?” her mother interrupted her. Mimoja looked at the ground. “Y-yes...” she whispered. She heard her mother sigh. “You are ALWAYS late Mimo,” she said. “I think it’d be best if we just... no... that wouldn’t work...” Mimoja noticed her mother was more talking to herself rather than anyone else. “At any rate...” her mother continued. “You’ve got enough time now to clean your room.” Mimoja sighed and smiled. From all mothers in the world, hers must be the weirdest around. “Okay, I will mom,” she said before kissing her mother on the cheek. With that, she walked upstairs, getting ready to clean her room. The next day was Friday, which was their standard day off from school. Mimoja was delighted to be able to sleep through the day again. Or she had wished she could sleep that long, ‘cause at ten in the morning, she could hear stones being thrown against her window. “Hey, Mimo!” someone called. “You awake?” Just when she opened the window, she could feel another stone hitting against her cheek. “oops...” she could hear. Looking down, she saw Kinato. Kinato was one of her best friends, though a little weird. She sighed. “Kina, we have a door and a doorbell,” she said. Kinato just smiled. “Hey hey, this is working, ain’t it Mimo? ‘sides, I don’t wanna wake your parents!” he said in his energetic usual way. Mimoja sighed. How ANYONE was able to get up early and be energetic and cheerful was beyond her. “Something you want Kina?” she asked. Kinato chuckled. “My, aren’t you cheery today!” he said. He started climbing the tree next to her window and within a few seconds, he had worked himself a way into her room. She now noticed he had a backpack, which he immediately opened. “I brought you your homework!” he said, grinning. He reached inside and picked up a map out of it. “You gotta fill in all these forms by the end of the week!” he continued. “But don’t worry, uncle Hiyo has all answers!” Hiyo was like the local guru. He was old, filthy and hard to understand, but the kids always came to him whenever they had work to be finished. The only thing the old man asked in return was small things like candy or a chair. “Can it wait until say, three o’ clock?” Mimoja asked. “I’m kinda sleepy right now...” Kinato sighed and poked her head. “You, missy, are really sleepy ALWAYS!” he said. “I think it’s best if you wouldn’t stay up till 4 at late night.” She pushed his hand away. “It’s TWO o’ clock and I can manage!” she said. “I just love sleeping...” Kinato sighed. “Great, just great. Miss sleepyhead is at it again,” he muttered. “Should I wait here until you’ve woken up?” he asked while sitting on her desk. Mimoja yawned. “As long as you’re not touching me, do whatever you want,” she said, yawning. After that, she crashed down on the bed. Kinato sighed and started reading her diary. After an hour, he got bored of reading her diary and decided to go somewhere else. “See ya Mimo,” he whispered before kissing her on the cheek. She just groaned and rolled over to the other side. “You’re cute when you sleep,” Kinato chuckled, before going off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's note: it was INCREDIBLY hard to type Mimoja's name right, so I might have a few misspellings of her name somewhere. ^^;;; Just so you know it. |
| Posted By lincolnluxor on 8/04/04 @ 7:33:48 AM |
| It's good man! Kinda dry reading, but you can tell it's just like a background check on what the charcters are like. I'm waiting on the adventure now (what I see them doing). |
| Posted By LunarianMoon on 8/04/04 @ 9:09:33 AM |
I'm not good at making a bit of an action intro, but here's an attempt... and yeah, they are going on an adventure.  Chapter 2: March of Kion Kinato was quietly strolling through town, checking out the shops and looking at stuff to buy. He was bored for waiting for Mimo, who wanted to sleep for another hour. He decided to go to his favorite hilltop. He had always loved the view from there. Arriving at the hilltop, Kinato noticed some dust in the far distance. Was there a sandstorm? That’d be impossible. It’s been YEARS since the last sandstorm. After a while, Kinato noticed the dust coming closer. He suddenly realized what they were... “KION MILITARY APPROACHING!” he yelled while running down the hilltop. “WATCH OUT EVERYONE! KION MILITARY APPROACHING!” he kept yelling while running through the streets. He quickly rushed over to the mayor’s office. “M-mayor!” he panted while standing in the door opening. “K-kion military a...approaching...” The mayor looked disturbed. “WHAT are you saying?” he asked. “Kion is attacking us? Are you sure?” He turned to a man next to him. “Irvine, warn the townsfolk. Let them go into hiding.” While Irvine walked off to do as told, the mayor turned to a woman next to him. “Esmeralda, prepare the meeting room. I want to talk to their commander first before we can determine whether or not we are being attacked.” Esmeralda nodded and went into a backroom. “And Kinato, try to stay more calm. A military unit approaching is not necessarily an attacking one. But please go into hiding like the rest of the villagers.” Kinato nodded and went outside. “I gotta warn Mimo,” he thought, and so he rushed towards her home. She was already awake, for a change. “Heya Kina!” Mimo greeted when she saw him. “Ready to go now?” Kinato shook his head. “Kion military unit approaching,” he said towards Mimo and her mother. “We gotta go into the shelter.” Mimo’s mother nodded. “Alright, let’s do that Mimo,” she said. Mimo nodded. “Yeah okay,” she replied. “But, haven’t they been here before? I don’t think they’ll attack us...” Kinato sighed and grabbed her arm. “Let’s not try to guess but jump to conclusions first, eh?” he said while pulling her out of her chair. “Now, let’s go to the shelter. It’s better to prevent than to heal, right?” Mimo smiled. “’Course it is!” she said. With that said, the three of them headed towards the shelter. As soon as they got to the shelter, Mimo, her mother and Kinato were appointed a room to stay. “Please stay here until all is safe,” Irvine told them. Mimo’s mother nodded and entered the room along with Mimo and Kinato. “Actually...” Kinato began. “I think I should check on dad... let’s hope he wasn’t too absent-minded and forgot to head to the shelter!” With that said, Kinato went out of the room and walked towards the main hall of the shelter. Mimo sighed. “This is like, the fifth time this month mom?” she asked. Her mother nodded. “Yes... the fifth time... I wonder what they are coming for this time?” she asked. Mimo shrugged. “Whatever it is, they must be pretty hopeless to come to such a remote village. I mean, we don’t belong to either of Alfareg and Kion. What could they POSSIBLY want from us?” Mimo’s mother sighed. “Thats the point honey. We don’t belong to either of them. Kion might want us for itself,” she said. Mimo shook her head. “’Course not!” she said. “Why’d they get such a tiny and worthless village?!” Mimo’s mother sighed. “Let’s hope they aren’t here to ‘conquer’ our village... let’s pray they won’t...” After a while, Kinato came back with his father. Kinato’s father was special in the village. He was the ONLY villager that ALWAYS carried his rifle with him, wherever he want. “Seems like I might put this thing to use sometime soon, eh Lune?” he said to Mimo’s mother. “Ah, you’re here...” Lune replied. “Kinato was worried you had forgotten to come here...” Kinato’s father laughed. “Of course I won’t forget!” he laughed. Kinato sighed. “Truth is, I had to pick him from the field,” he said. “Like usual, dad forgot where the shelter is,” Kinato said with a large grin. “oh come on, son!” his father replied. “You shouldn’t say such things about your father! You should help me!” After saying that, he began to laugh out loud, making Kinato feel really embarassed. “Dad, please try to act like normal...” Kinato sighed. Mimo and Lune began to giggle. “Say, isn’t Elt back yet?” Kinato’s father asked Lune, ignoring Kinato’s comment. “I thought he was just hunting for a little while...” Lune looked uncertain. “He might already be back Lowen, he might already be back...” she replied with a quiet voice. ”All villagers, please report to the main hall” a metallic voice sounded. Kinato looked at the speakers, annoyed. “What now?” he asked. The others just shrugged and altogether, they headed to the main hall. For some odd reason, all shelter gates were firmly locked... Upon arriving in the main hall, it seemed like the whole town was there, with Irvine on the podium. “Dear townsfolk...” he began. “I thank you for coming here. Today... is a sad day, for Kion has decided to attack us...” The townsfolk began talking at once, making a loud noise in the room. Irvine raised his hand and everyone became quiet again. “As we speak, they are trying to get into this shelter...” he continued. “Our mayor has decided to fight back. He is now in their custody, but we cannot let them take our town! We have always been neutral and we will always STAY neutral! So everyone, let us raise our arms and defend our town!” he concluded his speech. Some villagers nodded in agreement, whilst others were sceptical. A hand was raised aloft. “Can we win from a trained army?” the man asked. Irvine nodded. “This shelter has a lot of traps against an attack, they will be weakened by the time they get here!” he said with a loud voice. “Let us raise our arms and defend ourselves! Even if we cannot win, we CANNOT let them take our town without resistance!” “FOR INDUM!” someone shouted. “YEAH! FOR INDUM!” another person shouted. It didn’t take long before everyone in the room was shouting. “That’s the spirit!” Irvine said. A few men began giving weapons. “Each of you will be handed a rifle or handgun to defend himself! Let’s get those Kion scum out of here!” Irvine shouted. All people in the room began to cheer. “Man, this is getting a bit dangerous,” Kinato whispered to Mimo. She nodded. “I really don’t like the idea of us fighting...” she whispered back. She felt a firm hand on her shoulder. “Where is your fighting spirit?!” Lowen’s voice asked. “Let’s show them who’s boss!” Mimo and Kinato looked at eachother, shaking their heads. A man came by and pushed a handgun into Kinato’s hands. “Use it well,” he said, before walking to other people to hand out guns. Kinato looked at the gun, a bit amazed. “Even I get a gun?” he asked. He looked at the others. “They really ARE desperate for defending this village,” he said. Lowen looked at him, angry. “And you are not?!” he growled. “And you call yourself a MAN?!” Kinato sighed. “I didn’t...” he couldn’t finish the sentence, as they could hear loud bangs. Something was hitting the shelter door towards the main hall. “Here they are...” Lune said. A door opened behind Irvine. “WOMEN AND CHILDREN, THIS WAY!” he shouted, while pointing to the door. Quickly, the women started walking there. “Let’s go,” Lune said, pulling Mimo along. “Yeah yeah, coming!” Mimo said, pulling Kinato along. “H-hey...!” Kinato said. “I’m supposed to...” “SHHHH!” Mimo said. She bumped into someone on accident. “Sorry!” she quickly said before looking at Kinato. “Kina, you don’t want to fight, right? Just come ON. We’re gonna get outta this mess!” Kinato tried to shrug, but Mimo was already pulling him along. Just when they entered the door behind Irvine, Kinato and Mimo could hear gunshots and the sounds of bodies falling on the ground, accompanied by loud screaming... “It has begun...” Irvine said, before drawing his gun and storming onto the battlefield... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  I do know where this story is going though! Please mind that this is almost as much action as possible. I suck at making action scenes, so the rest will be just (hopefully) thrilling and (hopefully) funny!
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| Posted By lincolnluxor on 8/04/04 @ 9:24:53 AM |
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dude... practice makes perfect! you have to try out doing this battle scene... it's getting really good man! I'm lovin it
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| Posted By LunarianMoon on 8/04/04 @ 9:28:46 AM |
I'll try to finish the battle or at least continue it in the next chapter, but there can be no promises.  Anyway, if anyone has ideas on how to make the story go, feel free to post them here and I'll listen to them.  Any characters you want added and such is fine with me too, as I have come to the end of my imagination on characters.
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| Posted By LunarianMoon on 8/08/04 @ 2:59:56 PM |
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Chapter 3: Desperation Mimoja could hear the sounds of battle behind her while they were running down the hall. Another scream... Mimoja wasn’t sure from which side it came, but it sounded like the battle was at its full potential right now... Kinato suddenly stopped, looking behind them. He was quiet for a moment and Mimoja looked at him, half puzzled, half annoyed ‘cause they were supposed to run. “Mimo, do you think dad’ll be alright?” Kinato suddenly asked, still gazing at the hallway behind them. Mimoja laid her hand on his shoulder. “Kina, let’s worry about that later! Let’s not let their fight be in vain! They are fighting so that we can get out!” she told him. “If we are gonna stand here and get caught or even killed, then what use was their fighting?! COME ON KINA!” With these last words, she grabbed his arm and dragged him along. At the end of the hallway was a big circular room, covered in darkness. “What is this place?” someone asked. A man (Mimoja noticed it was Irvine’s subordinate) stood on a small podium. “Man, they have podiums everywhere, haven’t they?” Kinato whispered. “Everyone!” the man said. “I’m sure by now everyone of you has realized we are in big trouble right now!” Some people started mumbling. “That is why we had built this place...” the man continued. “Our last resort when the shelter was under attack!” He snapped his fingers. The lights turned on, revealing a... massive door? “Man, I had expected an airplane or some...” Kinato began, but before he knew it, Mimoja had hit him on the head. “BE QUIET FOR ONCE, WILL YOU?!” she yelled angrily. Kinato painfully scratched his head. “Owww...” was all he said. “This door...” the man said. “Is your way out...” Slowly, the door opened itself, revealing the forest at the back of the shelter. “This is the northwestern exit of the shelter...” he continued. “Please people, go through and keep going northwest... you will reach Darfun, a city on Alfareg territory. Go there and be safe.” With that, he pulled a gun and started working himself a way through the masses towards the entrance they had come through. Some people started slowly going outside and it didn’t take long before everyone else followed. “Well, let’s go!” Mimoja said, pulling Kinato along. She just started to walk, when they could hear gunfire coming their way. “W-what is happening?” someone yelled. “It’s Kion, they are coming!” another person replied. Immediately, panic broke out and everyone tried to get out as fast as possible. Someone rushed through Kinato and Mimoja, seperating the two. “Ki...” Mimoja tried to yell, but was dragged along with other people, almost squeezing her. She immediately lost sight of Kinato. Almost everyone was out when a number of soldiers broke into the room, immediately opening fire on the escaping mass. Mimoja could see people falling behind her. She decided... to run. Quickly, she struggled forward, through people that were too afraid too move, through people that had already given up hope, only to hear them fall to the ground a few moments later... but... call it fate, call it luck, Mimoja managed to escape the shelter and she was outside, no longer dragged by other people. “I need to get out of here!” she thought and she started to run into the forest. She knew that soldiers were chasing them, because she could still hear gunshots, people screaming, bodies falling. “Why...? Why is all this happening...?” she thought. She heard another gunshot, nearby... another scream, nearby... a body, falling behind her. She couldn’t resist but look back, only to see the body of a dead soldier. “W-who...?” she muttered. A man came from behind a tree. “You’d better appreciate me saving you,” the man said. Mimoja recognized him. It was Irvine. “H-how did you...?” “No time, we’ve got to get out of here,” Irvine said, grabbing her arm and dragging her along. “B-but Kina... Kina must be somewhere too!” she yelled. “I can’t go without him!” Irvine smircked. “Can’t leave your boyfriend behind, can you?” he said. “But we can’t look for him now! Let’s get our butts into safety first!” Mimoja wanted to say no, wanted to turn back and look for Kinato... but she knew he was right... she couldn’t expect him to set his life in danger just for... Kinato... “Look, Kinato will be fine,” he said. “I know you dragged him along with you and he’s a smart kid. He won’t get shot that easily!” Mimoja knew he tried to comfort her, but it wasn’t working. Absent mindedly, she let him drag her along, left, right, straight on, another turn left... and never did the sounds of battle fade... Mimoja woke up in a nice, soft bed... she looked around, puzzled. How did she get here? She could hear calming music playing on the background... a violin? She decide to look around a bit... Upon opening the door, she entered a large room... there were a lot of doors. Made her think of a hotel. “Ah, finally, you’re awake...” Mimoja heard a voice say. She looked around. “Mother!” she brought out and hugged her mother. “I-I was so scared mother...” She could feel her mother petting her head. “There there, it’s alright little Mimo... it’s all right...” Mimoja cleared her eyes. “Y-yes... everything’s... fine...” she whispered. Mimoja quickly learned she was in Darfun main hall, along with a few other refugees. There was Irvine. He was the one that carried her there, apparantly. Her mother and Kina’s father were also there. They made it out alive together. Then, there was this guy called Tsuione. Irvine never let a chance slip to show his disliking for Tsuione, though no one knew why. The hotel manager’s wife had escaped and the children of the headmaster. Aside from that, no one else had made it to Darfun. Not even Kinato... |
| Posted By TMaC on 8/11/04 @ 8:38:02 AM |
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It is getting really good. You do fine at writing action scenes. I think you need to have Kinato fighting for his life or something. Maybe he could see his father die in battle or something. I like it a lot though. It is more than what usually happens in three chapters of a book. |
| Posted By lincolnluxor on 8/11/04 @ 10:01:02 AM |
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*anxious for side stories now* There has to be side stories coming off of this I know! (i.e. people telling their stories about what happend...) LM... your still doing great! keep up the good work! *battle scene was good, but it lacked a little. I was thinking you could have added more indepth SOUNDS, SMELLS, and SIGHTs to that... like she could here the bullets wizzing by her head, the smell of fear filled the air with smoke from the gun powder (if it's set back in time a little bit... or just the smell of smoking guns would do too.). * a little gorey, but it could add more to the story* As people fell blood was flying through the air, and seemed to keep flying for what seemed to be miles. etc... Shit like that
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